oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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