some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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