I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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