So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
