So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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