honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
