never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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