I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
