I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize