Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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