He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
A+ Viking dick
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
