well I can't set my house on fire every night
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
