You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
