I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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