it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
