I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize