She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
