I am puke
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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