dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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