So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
