So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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