Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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