We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
