yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
