This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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