is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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