I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
