The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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