So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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