Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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