Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
