sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
