If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
