i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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