careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize