i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
