Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize