the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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