I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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