He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
