so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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