She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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