you would pick up someone in the library
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
