He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
