you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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