Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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