I want to walk on stilts...naked
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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