I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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