You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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