Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
