why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
