this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
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