I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
jump out the window naked night went bad
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