Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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