question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize