i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
