I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
