He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize