You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
