i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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