In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
