Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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