If that was your dad, he is hot
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
