Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just found puke in my bra..
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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