Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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