i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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