I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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