Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
