your parents love me but you hate me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
