My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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