her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
