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WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
