He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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