I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
