dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
