HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
