We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
