I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
