i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
