i may or may not be watching the land before time
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
