I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
