Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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