All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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