no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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