Please, let me fuck your mom
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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