just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize