he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
