Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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