Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
