This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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