I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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