do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
