I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
