I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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