honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
