You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
