Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
