so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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