and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
